"F*** you and your family and the Afghans."
-Ahmed Badeeb, Chief of staff of Saudi Intelligence, to Abdurrab Rasul Sayyaf, prime minister of the Afghan interim government, on Sayyaf's anti-Americanism, autumn 1990.
Ok, that may be the greatest non-Donald Rumsfeld quote of all time. Is it just me, or are my favorite quotes somewhat negative?
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Greatest quote of all time.
"We would be happy to capture them. We would be happy to have them surrender. And if they don't, we would be happy to kill them."
- Don Rumsfeld, Dec, 2003
- Don Rumsfeld, Dec, 2003
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Ancient wisdom from the east, now even fresher!
Excuse me. I hate to interrupt this lovely blog, but I have something I'd like to share.
The i ching is widely regarded as one of the greatest sources of wisdom ever compiled. Seen by many to be a near-complete guide to life, it has for thousands of years stood alone as a one-volume tool for use in both contemplation and decision making. Imagine the shock felt around the world when an ancient sect of Chinese philosophers recently announced that they had uncovered a second volume of text, written by the same author, shortly after he completed the i ching. Intended for use as a companion volume, the writings focused on the more mundane aspects of daily life. Currently the translation of this "new" volume of ancient teachings is in process, and thus shrouded behind a veil of secrecy. Underdeveloped Thinking has, however, obtained copies of various excerpts of this historical document, despite great risk to both life and limb. Without further ado, I present to you the first fully translated section from the upcoming two-volume set The I ching and the Scra ching: Books of answers and motherly home remedies.
1. Di'en, Di'en
Presentation is everything
Your intentions are good, and your motivation strong, but the chicken dinner you are planning for tonight will nonetheless be met with tepid excitement. Much happiness may be gained by inner contemplation, as well as not skimping on the Saki. Maybe wear something loose and fun, but not too trampy.
Clearly these new teachings are every bit as useful as the originals. I hope you enjoyed sharing in our historic find, and I'm pleased to announce that future kuas will be made availabe as they are translated. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.
The i ching is widely regarded as one of the greatest sources of wisdom ever compiled. Seen by many to be a near-complete guide to life, it has for thousands of years stood alone as a one-volume tool for use in both contemplation and decision making. Imagine the shock felt around the world when an ancient sect of Chinese philosophers recently announced that they had uncovered a second volume of text, written by the same author, shortly after he completed the i ching. Intended for use as a companion volume, the writings focused on the more mundane aspects of daily life. Currently the translation of this "new" volume of ancient teachings is in process, and thus shrouded behind a veil of secrecy. Underdeveloped Thinking has, however, obtained copies of various excerpts of this historical document, despite great risk to both life and limb. Without further ado, I present to you the first fully translated section from the upcoming two-volume set The I ching and the Scra ching: Books of answers and motherly home remedies.
1. Di'en, Di'en
Presentation is everything
Your intentions are good, and your motivation strong, but the chicken dinner you are planning for tonight will nonetheless be met with tepid excitement. Much happiness may be gained by inner contemplation, as well as not skimping on the Saki. Maybe wear something loose and fun, but not too trampy.
Clearly these new teachings are every bit as useful as the originals. I hope you enjoyed sharing in our historic find, and I'm pleased to announce that future kuas will be made availabe as they are translated. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.
How come it takes three Californians to screw up a light bulb?
Sometimes I'm reminded of how pathetic and boring my life really is. Take this morning for example. Here I had just posted a pointless entry on... what was it on again? Well, whatever it was, it couldn't have been all that important, when one of my coworkers comes up and starts talking to me. It was Mary Ann, but just because I've mentioned her twice in my blog, and the rest of my coworkers a total of zero times, doesn't mean that she's the only one worth pointing out. She's just the only one I've gotten too yet. There's this guy Jack, and he's just a blog entry waiting to happen.
I find that that last sentence is a lot funner if you put the emphasis on the "he's" and the "waiting". Try it for yourself, you'll like it.
Anyway, (emphasis on the "any") Mary Ann starts talking to me about something, and then we start talking about books, and I tell her she should write a book, and she tells me she doesn't even have a blog, so I says to her, I says, "you should get a blog..." and then there was some more conversation that was pretty much as interesting as the part I just shared, but then she starts talking about how when she was a kid they didn't have cheese or bread and they just ate sugar, except on Fridays when her brother would earn money selling newspapers on the corner, and then they would have cream of mushroom soup, sometimes with the little oyster crackers. Also, she mentions as an aside, she and her brother used to eat ants in their backyard.
Now to someone who spent their childhood mired as solidly in the world of the middle class as I did, this just sounds like a scene from Raising Arizona, so I smile and nod, but then she goes on describing how there weren't enough ants to fill them up, because ants are so small, and I mean, wow. Eating ants. Almost puts things in perspective a little bit. Almost makes you feel bad for wasting your time making fun of Californians. Almost, but not quite, if for no other reason than "'cause they're so darn stupid!" (Which, coincidentally, is also why it takes three of them to screw up a light bulb...) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... ahhh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I find that that last sentence is a lot funner if you put the emphasis on the "he's" and the "waiting". Try it for yourself, you'll like it.
Anyway, (emphasis on the "any") Mary Ann starts talking to me about something, and then we start talking about books, and I tell her she should write a book, and she tells me she doesn't even have a blog, so I says to her, I says, "you should get a blog..." and then there was some more conversation that was pretty much as interesting as the part I just shared, but then she starts talking about how when she was a kid they didn't have cheese or bread and they just ate sugar, except on Fridays when her brother would earn money selling newspapers on the corner, and then they would have cream of mushroom soup, sometimes with the little oyster crackers. Also, she mentions as an aside, she and her brother used to eat ants in their backyard.
Now to someone who spent their childhood mired as solidly in the world of the middle class as I did, this just sounds like a scene from Raising Arizona, so I smile and nod, but then she goes on describing how there weren't enough ants to fill them up, because ants are so small, and I mean, wow. Eating ants. Almost puts things in perspective a little bit. Almost makes you feel bad for wasting your time making fun of Californians. Almost, but not quite, if for no other reason than "'cause they're so darn stupid!" (Which, coincidentally, is also why it takes three of them to screw up a light bulb...) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... ahhh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
What the hell am I babbling about this morning??
So yeah, isn't technology great? Apologies to all for my little display of texting/emailing posts. Sometimes I like to play with stuff. I'm like a little kid, only much taller. Douglas Adams had a great quote about technology, a little more specifically about how technology introduced at different stages of your life will affect you differently. Anyone who finds that quote for me will have my undying respect. At least for the rest of the summer.
Basically, I really like most technology, even if I'm not sure how to use it, or if I get so far as to figure that out, what I could possibly do constructively with it. Take texting my blog from my cell phone as a perfect example. I just can't envision a situation where I would be so desperate to post something that I couldn't wait until I got to a computer. Plus I'm pretty sure anything I would have to say that was that important would cause my fingers to cramp up from using my cell phone number pad to write about it. Plus, aparently you can't send pictures from your phone to your blog, even though I could almost see the usefulness in that.
Speaking of technology, how about that online poker. Oh. My. GAWD, is that addictive. Somehow I stayed up until 3 in the morning playing that last night. And I'm really old. I have no business staying up past the ending of Matlock, never mind 3 in the morning. But I did. One thing I noticed is that the skill level of my opponents seemed to diminish rapidly in those last few wee hours. I'm thinking this has something to do with a higher ratio of players living in California, where I'm pretty sure most people are dumb.
So I've decided now that if I want to win any money playing online poker, I just need to make sure I'm playing against Californians. Stupid Californians. Let's all have a good laugh at them. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahhhh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Basically, I really like most technology, even if I'm not sure how to use it, or if I get so far as to figure that out, what I could possibly do constructively with it. Take texting my blog from my cell phone as a perfect example. I just can't envision a situation where I would be so desperate to post something that I couldn't wait until I got to a computer. Plus I'm pretty sure anything I would have to say that was that important would cause my fingers to cramp up from using my cell phone number pad to write about it. Plus, aparently you can't send pictures from your phone to your blog, even though I could almost see the usefulness in that.
Speaking of technology, how about that online poker. Oh. My. GAWD, is that addictive. Somehow I stayed up until 3 in the morning playing that last night. And I'm really old. I have no business staying up past the ending of Matlock, never mind 3 in the morning. But I did. One thing I noticed is that the skill level of my opponents seemed to diminish rapidly in those last few wee hours. I'm thinking this has something to do with a higher ratio of players living in California, where I'm pretty sure most people are dumb.
So I've decided now that if I want to win any money playing online poker, I just need to make sure I'm playing against Californians. Stupid Californians. Let's all have a good laugh at them. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahhhh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I tried this once before
Supposedly there is some way that you can post to your blog by sending off an email. I don't really believe this works though. Maybe someday blogger will prove me wrong. Could that day be today? Hmmm...
--
For more information on Michael Moore Jr please visit www.michaelmoorejr.com
Book of the Moment Club
As I may have mentioned at one point or another in these unrelenting ramblings of mine that I call a blog, I work at a library. For the benefit of those perusing this page who might be unfamiliar with the term, a library is the place where out of work books go to languish and die. Much like a nursing home, without the crowds of people.
Occasionaly, through the benevolance of that great god Chance, a small number of these lonely tomes might make it off their dusty shelves and out into the real world. Not the MTV the real world, but the actual real world. You may have heard of it, it's what goes on when youre not watching TV or surfing the net. Once there these books odds of being read leap from infintesimally small, to upwards of only 40 or 50 to 1 against.
Clearly a checked out library book's being read is far from a certainty, and more often than not these books, these lucky few, whose faded glory had momentarily been resurrected by the hope of their imminent return to usefulness, find that they have merely changed locations of where they gather dust, at least until a few friendly overdue notices make there way to the mail box of the library patron in question, at which point the books make their return, often unopened during the entire process, to their place on the library's shelves, bringing with them the sad stories of what really happens to library books on the outside.
Now those of you reading this obviously know how to read, unless you're having it read to you, but in that case you're technically not reading it, so I wasn't even talking to you, now was I? Plus you suck. That's right, you heard me, or more to the point you heard whoever is reading to you, you suck. I'll be your hollaback girl.
Of those who know how to read, some of you might actually enjoy doing it. I have a confession to make. I enjoy reading too. At this point you might be thinking to yourself, "Wow, this guy works in a library AND enjoys reading? How serendipitopus is that? I wonder if I changed my underwear?" The odd thing is that while I do work in a library, for some reason we are not encouraged to spend our whole work day reading. It's crazy I know. It's like working in a beer factory and finding out that drinking on the job is discouraged. The worst part is that I see all these great books come into the library everyday.
So what I'm going to do in some future installments, is throw out random book titles that look interesting to me, and if anyone has read them, they can feel free to post their thoughts on them, and if those thoughts are positive enough, I'll know I should take the time to read the book. Also, I might add some thoughts on the books I am currently reading.
Right now I'm reading a book called: "The Turk : the life and times of the famous eighteenth-century chess-playing machine". It's a pretty good read, and manages to mix chess, artificial intelligence, scams, edgar allen poe and napoleon bonaparte into a nice little story that doesn't take too much time, even for me, to get through. That's all for now, maybe I'll tak more about it later. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll ramble on and on about something completely unrelated. Either way, you should go to your local library and check out some books. Maybe even read them at some point. Because library books rule.
Occasionaly, through the benevolance of that great god Chance, a small number of these lonely tomes might make it off their dusty shelves and out into the real world. Not the MTV the real world, but the actual real world. You may have heard of it, it's what goes on when youre not watching TV or surfing the net. Once there these books odds of being read leap from infintesimally small, to upwards of only 40 or 50 to 1 against.
Clearly a checked out library book's being read is far from a certainty, and more often than not these books, these lucky few, whose faded glory had momentarily been resurrected by the hope of their imminent return to usefulness, find that they have merely changed locations of where they gather dust, at least until a few friendly overdue notices make there way to the mail box of the library patron in question, at which point the books make their return, often unopened during the entire process, to their place on the library's shelves, bringing with them the sad stories of what really happens to library books on the outside.
Now those of you reading this obviously know how to read, unless you're having it read to you, but in that case you're technically not reading it, so I wasn't even talking to you, now was I? Plus you suck. That's right, you heard me, or more to the point you heard whoever is reading to you, you suck. I'll be your hollaback girl.
Of those who know how to read, some of you might actually enjoy doing it. I have a confession to make. I enjoy reading too. At this point you might be thinking to yourself, "Wow, this guy works in a library AND enjoys reading? How serendipitopus is that? I wonder if I changed my underwear?" The odd thing is that while I do work in a library, for some reason we are not encouraged to spend our whole work day reading. It's crazy I know. It's like working in a beer factory and finding out that drinking on the job is discouraged. The worst part is that I see all these great books come into the library everyday.
So what I'm going to do in some future installments, is throw out random book titles that look interesting to me, and if anyone has read them, they can feel free to post their thoughts on them, and if those thoughts are positive enough, I'll know I should take the time to read the book. Also, I might add some thoughts on the books I am currently reading.
Right now I'm reading a book called: "The Turk : the life and times of the famous eighteenth-century chess-playing machine". It's a pretty good read, and manages to mix chess, artificial intelligence, scams, edgar allen poe and napoleon bonaparte into a nice little story that doesn't take too much time, even for me, to get through. That's all for now, maybe I'll tak more about it later. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll ramble on and on about something completely unrelated. Either way, you should go to your local library and check out some books. Maybe even read them at some point. Because library books rule.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Here on Gilligan's Isle
Today I got to work with Automation. For those of you who are not familiar with the unique nomenclature of federal employment, Automation is the department that dresses up in blue glowing body suits and rides around on motorcycles that trail solid walls of light, just like in that movie, Tron. Or wait. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. Yeah... no, that's the movie Tron I'm thinking of, not the Automation department. Automation doesn't do anything like that.
Instead they walk around to all the computers in the library, alternately breaking them or fixing them. Actually only one member of Automation ever seems to fix anything, so I assume the other members' job descriptions focus more on the breaking side ofthe house. Anyway, today I was assisting the fixer person. Her name is Mary Ann. She used to be stranded on an island with a guy named Gilligan, much like in that TV show... wait. No, that was just the TV show. I don't think this Mary Ann was ever stranded on a tropical island. If she was it must have been a horrible experience, because she never speaks of it at all. I imagine it would be pretty horrible having to drive a car made out of coconuts and bamboo everywhere you go. And then somehow the Harlem Globetrotters come and visit, but after they're gone you're still stranded on the island? How much would that have to suck?
But I digress. Mary Ann showed me how to update something on the library's computers, so I got to go around for awhile doing that, which was way funner than my normal job duties, so I've pretty much decided that I need to get a job where I do stuff like what they do in Automation. Either that or a job working as a park ranger. I think I'd be pretty good at outwitting picnic-basket-stealing bears. I'll get back to you on that one though. As it stand now I'll just have to be content with helping Mary Ann from time to time.
Instead they walk around to all the computers in the library, alternately breaking them or fixing them. Actually only one member of Automation ever seems to fix anything, so I assume the other members' job descriptions focus more on the breaking side ofthe house. Anyway, today I was assisting the fixer person. Her name is Mary Ann. She used to be stranded on an island with a guy named Gilligan, much like in that TV show... wait. No, that was just the TV show. I don't think this Mary Ann was ever stranded on a tropical island. If she was it must have been a horrible experience, because she never speaks of it at all. I imagine it would be pretty horrible having to drive a car made out of coconuts and bamboo everywhere you go. And then somehow the Harlem Globetrotters come and visit, but after they're gone you're still stranded on the island? How much would that have to suck?
But I digress. Mary Ann showed me how to update something on the library's computers, so I got to go around for awhile doing that, which was way funner than my normal job duties, so I've pretty much decided that I need to get a job where I do stuff like what they do in Automation. Either that or a job working as a park ranger. I think I'd be pretty good at outwitting picnic-basket-stealing bears. I'll get back to you on that one though. As it stand now I'll just have to be content with helping Mary Ann from time to time.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Shoutout to my homey "jrve8qglk59woji"
Hi there. Today we are going to talk about how spam sucks. I do not appreciate unsolicited spam on my blog. No one appreciates unsolicited spam on their blog, or anywhere else for that matter. Spammers are about the lowest level of human life on the planet. They have small penises, dress poorly, and generally maintain a low level of personal hygiene. Spammers are universally hated and derided by everyone on the planet.
It's one of the few things we can all agree on. You should all just do everyone a favor and die. You serve no purpose. You accomplish nothing. You live your life annoying others, much as musquitoes do. The only difference is that mosquitoes have more refined social graces. And larger penises. Dumbass spammers might think that my blog makes an easy target, because it's not updated all that regularly, and a decent amount of comments get posted.
As far as my lackadaisical approach to posting goes, just because I don't post everyday, doesn't mean I'm not capable of checking for and removing spam on a daily basis. As far as the comments are concerned, the people posting these comments are all a lot smarter than you. My friends in general are all a lot smarter than you. My dog is a lot smarter than you. Please do me a favor and die, and before you take your own meaningless life, feel free to not post here again. I thank you for your support.
It's one of the few things we can all agree on. You should all just do everyone a favor and die. You serve no purpose. You accomplish nothing. You live your life annoying others, much as musquitoes do. The only difference is that mosquitoes have more refined social graces. And larger penises. Dumbass spammers might think that my blog makes an easy target, because it's not updated all that regularly, and a decent amount of comments get posted.
As far as my lackadaisical approach to posting goes, just because I don't post everyday, doesn't mean I'm not capable of checking for and removing spam on a daily basis. As far as the comments are concerned, the people posting these comments are all a lot smarter than you. My friends in general are all a lot smarter than you. My dog is a lot smarter than you. Please do me a favor and die, and before you take your own meaningless life, feel free to not post here again. I thank you for your support.
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